Sunday, June 4, 2017

Sittin on a bee can get you killed out here

cautionary tale about the perils of careless bee-sitting

he's restin in the sun, 
calm and placid in the pasture.
he's just a gentle one, 
but brahman's bout to face disaster

there's a bee under the tree
slurpin nectar from a thistle
and oh gee, he doesn't see.
he bout to go off like a missile

Abeja stings the cattle
and the cattle goes berserk
so farmer sends him off to battle
cuz he thinks the bull's a jerk

inside the ring, bull faces death:
torero with the power
to take away the final breath
he used to sniff a flower.

but the bull just keeps on chillin,
playin cool before the fans
so today, there'll be no killin.
the bull is a free man.

But sittin on that bee almost got Ferdinand murdered. 
Stabbed in the spine with a slender blade like all his aggro fightin peers. 

Stability - it's a teeny bee. come on. sitting on that is like when a cartoon bear tries riding a tricycle, but even more challenging because bees are generally smaller than tricycles. 0/5

Cool Factor - 2/5 It's only cool if you can play it off like nothing happened. Like you're too tough to flip out from a wimpy lil bee sting. Ferdinand couldn't handle it. Not cool.

Difficulty - 5/5 It's gonna hurt

Perilousness - 5/5 If you have a severe allergic reaction to bee stings. In fact, bee sting anaphylaxis is potentially life threatening according to a cursory Google search. So if the matador doesn't kill you, the inability to breathe through your swollen trachea will.

Added bonus - 1/5 Build toughness, I guess? Develop an immunity to bee stings perhaps? But, look, the bee dies after it stings you. The stinger rips off the bee's butt and it soon dies from loneliness or blood loss. We need bees to pollenate our flowers and resist climate change. When your careless sitting kills a bee, you're worse than Monsanto.

Overall rating - 13/25 

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